Psych FIC: Two Plus Roo

[waldos_writings]

Title: Two Plus Roo
Fandom: Psych
Pairing: Gen (you can squint and get Shawn/Gus if you want to)
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2870
Summary:  Takes place directly after "Rob-a-bye Baby" - Shawn's dad catches up with them.
Written for: Zahrain Yuletide 2007.  She wanted anything humorous.

ETA: I think I have the formatting fixed now. I hope...



"You want to hide where?" Gus asked as they piled into his Echo as fast as humanly possible.

"Your place," Shawn repeated louder and slower.

"Oh, like your dad won't look for us there." Gus pulled away from the curb.

"Of course he'll look there, but not for at least another hour. See, first he'll have to come up with a car seat, since he can't bring the baby to us without one, not without risking getting pulled over. Then he'll go to my place and then to the office. He might even check the police station before he tries your apartment. It'll be seven o'clock easy before he's ringing your bell."

Gus glared at him, even as he hit the turn signal to take the next left - the direction of his apartment. "I'm gonna ring your bell," he groused.

"Well, if you've got a better plan, I'm ready to hear it." Shawn leaned back into the seat and crossed his arms.

Gus said nothing and maintained his silence until he pulled into his parking spot in the lot next to his building. "He's going to bring us that baby. I don't suppose you've decided what to do when he does."

"I'm still working on that."

Gus rolled his eyes as they got out of the car. "Do you think we'll at least manage to get through American Duos?"

Shawn shrugged. "I'm betting we can at least get Chinese sent over and I can solve three crimes on tonight's news. But Tivo 'Duos', because with our luck he'll show up in the middle."

Gus let them into the apartment. "The Chinese is on you. I'm providing the entertainment."

They both startled, and Shawn would swear until his dying day that Gus screamed like a girl, at the taps on their shoulders from behind.

They'd never know how he got there as quickly as they did, but there was Henry Spencer with a baby in a sling over his shoulder. "Actually. I'm providing the entertainment."

Shawn sighed and held out his hands for the little bundle of joy.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Shawn reluctantly took the pastel green, floral, vinyl baby bag from Gus as they reached the top of the stairs and Gus let them in. "This bag is a monument to tacky. Maybe I should have gotten her one of those spiffy little fashionable baby bags instead of the gift I got her."

"I'm pretty sure anything would have been a step up from a gallon of pureed pineapple."

"How was I to know that pineapple wasn't good for babies? Anyway, how bad can it be?" Shawn asked, sitting on the sofa and bouncing the baby on his knee. "Chief Vick should be over to pick her up soon. How long can it take to book a couple of thieves?"

Gus just glared and handed Shawn the cordless phone.

Shawn shifted the now-fussy baby to his hip and took the phone. "What's this for."

Gus shot him a look, but didn't say anything.

"Oh not this again," Shawn groaned. "Seriously, the silent treatment? I can hardly be expected to text message with any kind of speed or accuracy with a baby in one hand. Besides, it sets a horrible example for little... little..." Shawn looked down at the infant, suddenly realizing that he didn't know her name.

Gus raised an eyebrow, but if he knew her name he wasn't sharing.

"What's her name?" Shawn whispered.

Gus threw up his hands. "You don't know?" he accused, breaking his self-imposed silence.

"Of course I do," Shawn said slowly as he looked over at the baby bag, at the baby itself and frantically mentally reviewed Chief Vick's house. Large black letters on the handle of the bag spelled out VICK, but there was no indication of a first name. The baby was similarly unhelpful. Shawn tried to remember seeing a name on a bedroom door or any kind of paperwork that would have had her name on it. Nothing. "Her name is..."

"You don't know," Gus said sternly. "You said we'd take this kid and never even asked her name."

"It's not like we're going to be calling her to get off the phone and come to dinner. She can't even crawl, let alone walk."

"We can't call her 'baby girl Vick' all night either," Gus pointed out. "Call in the Chinese. And I better get extra Crab Rangoon out of this."

Shawn sighed. Knowing he'd need Gus' help later, he handed over the baby. "Fine you take little... uh..." he studied her, trying to decide what to call her. "You take little Roo, here and I'll call for food."

"Roo?"

"Yeah, you know, like the baby wallaby in that story about the bear and the honey and the tiger."

Gus couldn't believe that someone with a photographic memory could butcher such a common children's story so remarkably. "It's 'Winnie the Pooh' and Kanga and Roo were kanga-ROOs. How do you not know that?"

"I tell you, wallabies get no respect. And, speaking of 'pooh', you want to get this while I order us dinner?" Shawn held up the baby which Gus took reflexively as Shawn started to dial.

He instantly held her at arms-length and turned his head. "Don't blame me if this puts the super-sniffer on the D.L. for the rest of the season," Gus groused.

"I said to stop calling it that, for the love of - yes, I'd like to put in an order for delivery."

Gus held little 'Roo' as far away from his body as he could as he carried her into the bathroom to change her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Gus was on his hands and knees on the floor with the baby laid out on a towel. He had managed to get her little sundress clear of the spill zone and was attempting to wipe off a very disgusting little bottom without actually touching her.

"Aw... you look so paternal," Shawn crooned from the doorway where he slouched, showing no interest in helping. "Kung Pao chicken, beef chow mein and two orders of crab Rangoon on the way." He held up the phone as if proving he used it.

Before Gus could insist that Shawn attempt to assist in the toxic waste removal, Shawn's phone rang from his back pocket.

"Okay, now that would have been funnier if this phone had rang," he shook Gus' cordless. He flipped out his phone. "Shawn Spencer, Psychic at large. Large and in charge of - oh hi Chief Vick."

Gus looked up and whispered, "Tell me she's on her way to get this child!" He wiped his hand on the towel, which caused Shawn to grimace and turn away.

"Eleven? Uh..." He cast a glance back at Gus who gave him a long suffering look. "Sure. Um... okay. Pajamas in her bag. Bottle... heat up the babyfood. Got it. Oh no, I'm sure Gus' place is completely baby-proofed and everything. No problem, just let us know if you'll be any later. No problem, Chief. Little 'Roo' is in perfectly capable hands. Yeah, Roo. Gus thought she needed a nickname. Okay, good luck on that paperwork. Buh-bye." Shawn clicked off the phone.

"Eleven?" Gus shouted. "She won't be here until eleven? We have to -"

"Gus. Stop. Look at it like this. She's going to owe us. We babysit tonight and tomorrow we drop by the station, I have a vision about the case I saw on her desk yesterday and we're golden. She has to let us on any case we want."

"Some of us have real jobs to be at tomorrow, Shawn."

"Even if I can get us in on that case where all that movie equipment was sabotaged?"

"The one where they're filming those scenes for the remake of 'The Frisco Kid'?"

"I hear Lassie's completely stumped."

Gus gave in silently. Having finally wrestled the wiggling bundle of child into a new diaper, Gus straightened out her clothes and lifted her up above his head. "How's that?" he asked sweetly. "Are you a clean little girl now? Are you a happy baby?"

Shawn stepped into the bathroom and took the baby out of his hands. "Aw. Look who wants her Uncle Shawn!"

"Nice try." Gus stood up and took her back. "I cleaned her, you get to clean the bathroom." There really wasn't much to do. The worst of it was in the trash bin already, but Gus was not about to let Shawn walk all over him. No amount of crab Rangoon was worth that.

Shawn handed over the child and pulled the towel off the floor and shoved it in the hamper.

As he passed, Gus called back, "And you better take the trash out because if my neighbors call to complain that I'm letting a dead body fester in here, you'll be the one explaining."

"Oh Gus, it can't be that -" Shawn pulled back from the trash, his lower lip curling so far down it was about to become intimate with his navel. "I'll just take this out now."

*~*~*~*~*~*

Feeding little Roo took much less effort. Gus warmed the bottle in a pan of water on the stove and then tested it on the inside of his wrist.

"So how exactly does that tell you if it's done?" Shawn asked from the sofa where he was waving a stuffed bunny in Roo's face and then snatching it back when she grabbed for it, much to her delight.

Gus looked at the drops of milk on his arm. "I really have no idea. But you always see people do that on t.v." He raised his wrist to his face, mouth open to lick off the milk.

"Gus! I wouldn't do that!" Shawn hollered.

"What? I was just going to -"

"I don't think that's Bossie's best." Shawn bounced Roo on his knee, his earlier shout causing her to squirm and fuss.

"It's just milk," Gus said, his arm still poised at his chin.

"Oh, it's milk alright, I'm sure," Shawn agreed, "but I have a feeling that milk has never seen a cow."

Gus' eyes went round in comprehension and he rushed to scrub his arm under the hot tap. "You think that's from Chief Vick's... from her... you think that came from Chief Vick? And it was on me?"

Shawn laughed as he carried Roo to the kitchen and took the bottle from the counter. "That face was almost as good as the one you made in fourth grade when you realized that the milk you were drinking wasn't yours, that it was Fatty Patty's."

"That whole thing wouldn't have been nearly as bad as it was if you hadn't gone around telling everyone you saw for three weeks that Fatty Patty and I had been swapping spit at lunch."

Shawn smiled. "Well, you were. Technically." Roo laughed as Shawn tickled her chin.

"Great now, even the baby's laughing at me."

When the doorbell rang, Gus went to answer it. He was shocked to learn that Shawn had actually paid with his credit card instead of duping Gus into paying for it, like usual. "Just sign my name for it," Shawn called from the kitchen.

"I can't forge your signature!" Gus objected.

"Why not? I can forge yours," Shawn said matter of factly. "Besides, it's only forgery if you do it without my consent and with malicious purpose. It's not like I'm going to call my credit card company and say that there's been some unusual activity on my credit card - twenty-six dollars worth of Chinese food. That was delivered to my best friend's house."

Gus plucked the bottle out of Shawn's hand and reached for Roo. "Go answer the door and sign your own damn credit card slip."

Shawn made a face at giving up the little girl, but went to collect their dinner as told.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Roo played on a blanket on the living room floor while Gus and Shawn ate. Gus only had to stop Shawn from feeding Roo crab Rangoon stuffing once.

"Number one, she could have allergies. Number two, I have no idea what's even in this stuff and if she has another diaper disaster like that one before - it's all yours." Gus stabbed at his chicken with his chopsticks as he spoke, making his point.

Shawn ate the rest of his dinner himself. "Sorry kiddo," he told her. "We can really do without the repeat of el slimer."

Once they were done and Gus had disposed of the cartons, Shawn stretched out on the floor with Roo while Gus channel surfed. Time had flown. They'd forgotten to Tivo 'American Duos', but neither of them could really get too upset about it.

"Wait, wait, go back one!" Shawn shouted, interrupting his game of peekaboo. "It's that movie with two Tom's and the guy from 'Police Academy.'

Gus thumbed the channel down. Two thugs were trying to get 'the package' and Ted Danson was handing over a baby. "It's a Tom, a Ted and Steve Guttenburg," he corrected.

"Whatever. It's us, man!" He rolled onto his back and held Roo up over his head. "We're two men and a baby."

Gus gave him a slight grin. "Well, one man, one boy and a baby."

Shawn refused to be one-upped. "Don't worry, you'll grow up some day. You might even be able to start shaving soon." He shook the baby over his head again until she giggled.

Gus giggled when she then proceeded to burp in Shawn's eye.

Shawn sat up carefully, one eye closed against the baby barf. "Okay, we are now so totally, officially, even for the diaper." He groped blindly for the napkins left over from the take out.

Taking pity, Gus got up and got him a damp washcloth. "Here." He traded Shawn the cloth for the baby. He took a dishtowel and put it over his shoulder and proceeded to burp Roo properly. "Guess we forgot one little step. I'm going to go put her in her pajamas." He took her bag and brought her into the bedroom to change her while Shawn wiped her face.

After being burped and changed, Gus walked her around the apartment singing softly to her. "A donkey named Eeyore is his friend. And Kanga and little Roo. There's Rabbit and Piglet and there's Owl. But most of all Winnie the Pooh..."

Roo laughed on key when Gus tickled her belly on her new name before she snuggled into Gus' shoulder. Gus continued to walk her until he was sure she was fast asleep. After settling her back on her blanket and covering her with another one, he collapsed onto the couch next to Shawn.

"Dude, you know the song?"

"I'll have you know that was one of my mother's favorite lullabies for me when I was a child." Gus wasn't about to have his baby-nurturing bubble popped. "As I recall, she sang it to you the first time you slept over and woke up crying that you wanted to go home."

"Of course I wanted to go home, you kept sticking your cold toes against me. It was like being chiseled with ten little ice picks all night long."

Gus rolled his eyes again. "Keep telling yourself that."

Shawn looked down at little Roo, sleeping peacefully, sucking on the ear to her bunny. "You know we can handle this nanny thing. It's not so bad."

"Sure. You can change diapers while I go out and do, you know, my real job. Where I make real money."

"I suppose you'd expect me to do the laundry and have your dinner waiting for you when you got home too." Shawn shifted on the sofa, making himself comfortable, leaning in just a little towards Gus.

Gus grinned. "I suppose next you'll be griping that I don't take you anywhere."

"I hear Mexico's nice this time of year," Shawn suggested.

"Shut up," Gus laughed, which made Shawn laugh. But when Roo began to fuss in her sleep they both shushed each other immediately.

They watched the end of the movie and the next one on the same channel. When it was over, Gus flipped the t.v. off. "It's almost eleven," Gus observed as they watched Roo twitch in time to her dreams.

"You know, I'm starting to think it's going to be really hard to cash in on this favor."

"Yeah. Just remind me of the diapers when she says, 'oh so sorry to have bothered you,' and I start to say, 'any time.' Gus leaned down and put the bunny back in Roo's reach.

"Only if you can stop me from flat out volunteering to take her any time the chief needs."

"Diapers," Gus reminded him.

"Baby barf in my eye," Shawn agreed.

There was a slight pause.

"Yeah, okay, I think I'm over that paternal moment. Once the chief gets here, I'm thinking we see if we can get into that new club down by the beach?"

"You got that right," Gus agreed.

But then they looked at little Roo one more time. "But she's not here yet, so..."

"Not yet," Gus agreed. "We've got her for a few more minutes."

Comments

[kensieg.livejournal.com]

Your formatting is messed up. Your tags are showing.

[smallwaldo.livejournal.com]

Is fixed now? I hope...

[kensieg.livejournal.com]

formatting is fixed.

[dracotelitha.livejournal.com]

Comment me back when you fix this please! I really want to read it. But the broken coding would drive me crazy trying to read around.

[smallwaldo.livejournal.com]

Better?

[dracotelitha.livejournal.com]

Yes! And it was oh so very adorable story too. The characters were just spot on.